My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
