I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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