Sry I called you an 8
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
