420 ftw
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
