Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
