I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize