Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
