Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
