The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
