you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She bit a glass in half.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
