i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
