I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
