I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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