I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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