I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
