The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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