Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
