nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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