i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
