Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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