so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
