He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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