Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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