U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
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Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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