dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
