Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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