He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
