Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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