I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
