I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
