well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry about my life...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just puked most of my soul out..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
