apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
