I want to have your abortion
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
