Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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