I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
