Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
