Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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