I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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