he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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