i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
