i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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