Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
