would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
