If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Randomize
