Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
