he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
