I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
