Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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