Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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