I just saw a hot homeless man
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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