I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
