He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
