I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
