that's an acceptable place to lick
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
