I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
