just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
should my penis look like a turkey
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
