Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize