yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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