I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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