The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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