On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
