I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
