i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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