You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
