Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
