Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
