last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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