So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize