omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
