We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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