i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
