i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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