its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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