went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
