He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
