I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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