Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
