I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
