there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
