Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
