grandma shit on top of the toilet
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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