He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
