Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
